I’ve been keeping a journal of my thoughts and it has really helped me keep my mind clear lately.
I’ve been rereading this specific entry that I wrote:
"I’ve usually had this go getter attitude where I’ve gone after the things that I want. Which has been forcing my way into peoples lives or forcing my way out. But after everything that has happened recently, I’ve realized all I really want is to be wanted, to be good at something.
I’ve recently been told that sometimes when you chase things or are optimistic you can get hurt or disappointed, and I have had a great amount of disappointment. Disappoint in myself. The constant thoughts of I’m not good enough or wow I’m really stupid. The insecurities that I face every time I don’t get the things I want or chase after. I saw myself as the positive and optimistic person but I’ve lost that confidence because of the great amount of negativity and disappointment that surrounded me.
I lost the confidence where I didn’t care about obstacles or worries that would bring me down because I always thought positively. But I think to regain the go getting attitude and the confidence I once had I need to let good things happen naturally.”
I saw a glimpse of hope this morning and this just showed me that I needed to be patient. I will regain my confidence back in full force but for right now one day at a time, good things will happen.